UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONAL HEALING
n order to
get a new perception of an old problem we must, as believers, be
willing to grow and be changed into the image of our Lord Jesus
Christ. Through accepting personal responsibility for connections
to others and learning about our own person, we discover who we
are. Life’s lessons should lead to significant changes over a
period of time. To accomplish this intimacy we need to connect with
our family of relationships to go beyond the grid of life
experiences. Our present perception of the environment needs a view
that bases the truth on the facts of the matter. To grow in truth
we need to see how the environment has affected relationships we
have, and the roles we play and rules we live by.
Unless we are willing to examine the patterns of intimate
relationships to detect the truth, we will not know if they empower
us to value ourselves or hinder our sense of worth. Our
relationships need examination so that we can change our view and
grow into the image of God. When we find that some of the patterns
are abusive, we need God to heal us. We need to look beyond our
hurt and see the needfulness of those who hurt us in the past. What
we do and how we see ourselves influences and defines our roles in
personal relationships. Person to person examination is going to
cause anxiety on both parts, but it is the only way to bring about
lasting change.
Emotions are a natural response to pain or pleasure. Emotions are
amoral, neither right nor wrong. It is not what we feel that is
good or bad but what we do in response. There are two avenues to a
stimulus -- response or reaction. How we view the immediate
incident or frequent occurrence, through our grid of life
experiences relates, directly relates to the immediate response or
reaction on our part. A balanced response is the result of viewing
the experience as non-threatening. An unbalanced reaction is the
result of perceiving the situation as somewhat threatening. The
response reaction is automatic. The stimulation for fight or flight
comes from an autonomous reflex whose basis relies on our
preservation instincts. The mind is always calculating the risks
presented to us from the environment.
In the course of
life we view the actions of others as being aggressive or
threatening. A reaction is normal behavior based on a perceived act
of aggression or threat. A reaction is a direct result of
perceiving an immediate threat or aggressive act. A response is
only possible after we process the information available. The basis
for validating an aggressive or threatening behavior then dismissing
them is based on our ability to perceive or render them as
harmless. Reaction is a flight from fear by fleeing or evading the
perceived threat. An aggressive reaction is a willingness to fight
by attacking or threatening to attack. It is a direct or indirect
assault on the offense. A passive aggressive reaction is flight
from the fear by fleeing or evading the perceived threat. It is
also a direct or indirect assault on the offense. Our fight or
flight reaction is a direct result of not trusting the
person(s)
who confronts us. Our fear of the unknown is the root of most of
our fear. Fear is the opposite of faith or trust.
The struggle to return to peace is the cause of our fear,
frustration, or anger. When our world suddenly shifts out of
balance it is natural to subconsciously seek homeostasis.
Homeostasis is everything we do in response or reaction to keep our
world in harmony. The ‘everything’ we do is either a righteous or
unrighteous emotional reaction or response to the fight or flight
instinct. It preserve us; It is a gift from God. Whether a
response or reaction, it is a conditioned reflex based on our
immediate perception of the current event.
The questions remain: Do our life experiences justify and validate
our emotions and behaviors? Do we want to live responding or
reacting to our emotions, or do we want to live in response to
events, resting in God’s truth? The answer should be obvious. If
there are any doubts, we need to seek the truth knowing that we are
to ‘take every thought captive to Christ’.
To deny that destructive emotions exist would not be truthful.
Examine yourselves and commit your lives to Christ. He alone is the
Way, the Truth, and the Life, and fills us with worship, praise, and
thanksgiving for what God has accomplished ‘in Christ’. God is
Spirit and we must worship Him in Spirit and in truth. Our
existence finds meaning in whom we perceive ourselves to be ‘in
Christ’. God chose us to grow into the image and likeness of
Christ. This is the very thing we need to do, willingly and
continually, by examining the motives and intents of our hearts. We
are ‘feeling’ creatures whom God desires to be alive to others
emotionally.
What we may do through the eyes of a fixated emotion can be
devastating to our personality and to others. The result of not
knowing who we are can lead to mental and/or emotional disorders,
psychosomatic illnesses, or spiritual deterioration. When we lose
sight of our identity, the conscious self, we lose touch with
reality. When we internalize an emotion, the deception separates us
from God's truth, and alone we try to find ourselves through the use
of logic, reasoning, and rationalization. The result is a person
living according to their own corrupt nature. We see the results in
every type of mental and emotional disorder known. Our true
identity comes through accepting our spiritual nature, and accepting
what God accomplished for us in Jesus Christ. The Word of God
reveals the truth. We are spiritually dead until we respond to
God’s invitation. At this time He establishes a relationship with
us and we find our identity ‘in Christ’.
Internalized
emotions can become a
characterological
style. The person becomes the emotion. In their own eyes, they are
the emotion. Identification, feelings, needs, and drives originate
through the grid of life experiences acting upon our emotions. They
live through the looking glass tinted by the emotion. In a process
of constant reinforcement, they interconnect with to the emotion
through audio and visual memories over a sustained period of time.
To be emotionally bound is identify vicariously with the emotion.
Subsequently, people view any life experience skewed through the
grid of the emotion. Any valid feeling, need, or desire in a person
triggers a response or reaction, and they feel the impact of the
emotion and view reality it. Emotionally bound people often
experience the emotion with the same intensity of a past trauma when
an event vaguely resembles a prior life experience. The trigger
comes from a collage of audio or visual memories.
Emotions internalize when abandonment or any other traumatic event
occurs. It can be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual; it is
often a combination of the four. Abandonment includes lack of
mirroring, lack of developmental dependency needs, abuse of any
kind, and enmeshment into the covert or overt needs of the parent or
the family system.
Identification with an emotion causes alienation from the authentic
self. When we suppress emotions or do not allow them to manifest,
the emotion alienates, disowns, or severs from the person's
emotional responses and reactions inventory. This may cause
splitting of the self. As feelings, needs, and drives elude us, we
become alienated from them, or split. The split may result in long
term emotional damage to the person's character. Dave There is no
way to share their feelings with others because they deny the
emotion exists because it is now an object of contempt. The
authentic self is in isolation and it hides beneath our defense
mechanisms. The emotionally based person has become an object, not
a person. They have internalized the emotion and are obsessed with
the self. The alienation causes withdrawal, passivity, isolation,
or inaction.
As the internalization of emotion continues, the person may
experience the split or severed parts of the personality when audio
or visual memories trigger them. The rejection of the authentic
self also creates an inner alienation and isolation. This may cause
a low grade depression from losing one's authentic self.
When we live by emotions, we may feel that we have lost our
relationship with our Father, instead of knowing that we are totally
secure ‘in Christ’. This that may trigger depression. Emotions and
the resulting feelings are not to guide our lives. We are to live
by every Word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.
If we fail
to temptation all we need to do is admit it to God. Grace allows
humanness and God’s mercy covers a multitude of shortcomings. We
need to allow for human frailties which allows ourselves to be less
than perfect. We do not become obsessed with being perfect since
the Holy Spirit is working inwrought holiness in us. Besides,
perfectionism is not a fruit of the Spirit. God knows when we are
giving Him our best and that is all He expects of us. We have been
given a Spirit of love, power and a sound mind to guide us.
Do we need
to forgive others, so that we may be forgiven? Is there a root of
bitterness? If we surrender the problem to God, He can change us.
He is the only just judge. He is the only one who has the right,
and the one who paid the price. Vengeance is God’s alone. He alone
is the only fair judge.
Judgment
is the critical process in making decisions. We may need to
surrender specific problems in our relationships to God. The
judicious reasoning process should not begin until all the facts are
presented. Only God knows all the facts that is why vengeance is
reserved for God alone. God alone knows the hearts and hurts of
His children and that is why all judgment is reserved until we come
to a full understanding of the Truth.
God designed our heart to be sensitive to inner pain. Emotions are
symptoms that reveal the realities of the heart, what is really
going on within us. Denying our emotions will never bring us to
maturity ‘in Christ’. If we fail to acknowledge the offense, we
will fail to forgive the offender and not fully forgive what we have
not fully faced.
Life is a recovery process until we return home to God, who is the
perfect parent. When the Spirit starts to prompt and convince us to
reveal the emotional trauma of our past, it's time to trust God. He
knows the abuse we suffered, even at the hands of the most gifted of
parents, because only God knows the thoughts and intents of our
hearts. This is the very reason He came in the person of Jesus
Christ; we know we can trust Him. Jesus suffered in every way we
suffer and still did not sin. We can learn of Him and allow God to
heal us through the process of sanctification, when we become
obedient to the person of the Holy Spirit. He will guide us into
all truth. In the security of being ‘in Christ’, we can face
reality and allow Him to reveal the past so that we may grieve the
loss, forgive ourselves, and then forgive others.
It takes time for a person to connect with their own spirit. God
provides the support we need through the helpers He has already
healed. We need support for healing the past issues. We may need
someone to help share our grief and sorrow. We may need to grieve
alone. We may need to ask God to send someone who will share the
unresolved anger, hurt, sadness, loneliness, regret, depression,
anxiety, etc.. Or, trust the Holy Spirit solely to do what God
ordained Him to do. God can be that One!
There is hope in God! Do not lose faith! Trust in God and lean not
unto your own understanding! He will supply your every need through
Jesus Christ our Lord! When we exercise faith by trusting in the
written promises of God we will find out the truth and this will set
us free.
ur
regeneration produces a new identity, a change in our heart and
spirit through the new birth. We exchange our life in Adam for our
life ‘in Christ’. We do not exchange one behavior for another. We
exchange our life for the life of Christ living through us. We
become interdependent with our new family, His body on earth, the
church, in order to share our feelings about this new life ‘in
Christ’. When we become a new creation, we usually lack the
knowledge to be free. In order to be set free we need to learn
about the regeneration that has taken place. We need to leave the
old man, the Adamic
nature behind, and render our false identity dead. We need to learn
how to live in the Spirit and deny the false identity. We have to
learn how to be responsible and what to do to maintain our new life
‘in Christ’.
The family of origin we leave behind may one day join us, but until
they do we are responsible for our behavior and the consequences.
The sin of our old identity is still in the shadows of our
memories. We need to renew those memories, repair relationships,
and grow into the image of Christ. We have a new life ‘in Christ’,
as children of God. As His children, we need to learn of Him and
allow God to heal us through His Word and the transforming power of
forgiveness: the forgiveness we received, is the forgiveness we must
now learn to extend.
Our relationship with Him rests upon the love He has indirectly
shown us through other believers, and His love for us revealed
directly through the Scriptures. By accepting God's love for us, we
can know our true parent who created the entire universe and
everything therein.
Once God restores the relationship, we can begin to restore our
relationship with ourselves. The journey we travel to spiritual
health will move us in a new way to connect with our inner child or
spirit. To be free, we need to be able to love and accept ourselves
non-judgmentally. We need to accept our humanness and the certainty
of making mistakes. Our freedom comes in knowing that God has
already provided for our mistakes and ‘in Christ’ there is no
condemnation. Our total freedom will come through our
sanctification the rest of our life. When we come to know the depth
of God’s riches ‘in Christ’, our relationship will flourish.
Fortunately God does not destroy our personality when we come to
Him. He simply restores our loving relationship with Him. We still
have our personality. We are in essence the same person we were
without the sin or tendency to sin weighing us down. In order to be
set free, we need to reconnect with His Spirit. We have to go back
and re-experience the emotions that we blocked. We build walls
around ourselves to stop pain, fear, or frustration that may bring
on isolation. Through repression or other defense mechanisms, we
have severed relationships and need to repair these relationships,
where possible.
To experience emotional healing, we need to uncover the past and
experience the unresolved pain and grief issues. Throughout our
developmental process we experienced trials and tribulations that
were too much to handle as children. All of those unresolved issues
that were not uncovered, grieved, and healed must be exposed. We
all need our emotions validated or we become emotionally backed up,
like a clogged sink.
We will look at ways in which emotions clog up through the
abandonment issues of neglect, abuse, or enmeshment. Now it's time
to start the process of healing by uncovering the hurt and pain,
validating those feelings, and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in
our lives often through a friend or mentor. It is time, and it will
take time to heal. We need nourishment while we work through the
grieving process and to remain focused on the blessings and promises
of God’s revealed Word, the Bible.
Problems will surface if some of our emotions are internalized.
Most times, we do not even know there is a problem. We cannot see
problems when we look in a mirror. We need to see our reflection
through the eyes of someone whom God has healed. In order to heal,
we need to come out of hiding. The main problem is our carnal or
corrupt nature is still being protected by our Self-Defense
Mechanisms. Christian or not, our spirit hides behind the defenses
that allow us to survive an abusive childhood.
People bound up emotionally usually show some subtle symptoms. We
need the freedom to respond to God as He leads us, to be free to
lead a lifestyle that pleases God (regardless of whether or not it
pleases others), and accept responsibility for our relationship with
Him. If a person wants to have a grace-oriented, liberated life,
they need affirmation and acceptance with accountability and
authority. We need a balance. Too much liberty leads to license,
too little leads to legalism. We need to balance liberty with grace
to find freedom. We need to do all things by faith in love.
As we walk in grace we will find the benefits of the Cross.
Obsessive/compulsive or addictive behavior no longer is a driving
force. We are free to make our choices and no longer need to
control others. We live independent of other’s approval knowing
full acceptance from God. We are free to pursue our God and know we
have total forgiveness and acceptance.
People who are emotionally bound-up and under the control of the
false identity reveal the following symptoms in their lives. They
are self-centered and lack concern for others. They justify their
own actions and rationalize out-and-out sin. They are often
irresponsible, immature, and childish in their actions. They will
not let others get close to them, and disregard the emotional needs
of others.
The false identity leaves us with a paradox that comes from the
embattled mind. The will, the intellect, and the emotions still
retains the old thought and behavior patterns from our carnal
nature. In the light of God’s Word the will, intellect, and
emotions are still corrupt. However, our renewed heart and spirit
make us a new creation in Christ. Every new believer maintains
their old personality. We are still self-centered and we don't know
how to set our life straight. The battle is in the mind. In order
to renew the mind, we need to understand several things about the
mind, the will, and emotion.
The mind is like a computer; it is our ‘thinker’. If you put
garbage in, you will get garbage out. The will is our ‘chooser’.
When we come to Christ, our will is captive to do the things our
self-life desires -- good or bad. We also have emotion. Emotion is
our ‘feeler’, nothing more, nothing less. Facts alone are not the
basis for emotion. The mind, the will, and emotion are good in
themselves, as long as the one in control bases their function on
fact, reality, grace, and truth.
The carnal nature
leads to death and sin, but life in the Spirit leads to life and
peace. Before we come to Christ we have a corrupt or
Adamic
nature. After we receive Jesus Christ as Lord we have a spiritual
nature, yet we retain our memories from the carnal nature, that is,
from our past life. The false identity needs to be understood to
maintain our victory ‘in Christ’. Understanding our identification
‘in Christ’ will give us the victory. ‘In Christ’ we are his
children and have received eternal life, the gift of God.
Everything we need for life and peace, God reveals to us through the
person and work of Jesus Christ. The puzzle is why we have so much
trouble living the Victorious Life. What really changed?
Before we came to
Christ, the Adamic
nature did not have any power over death and sin. We were captive
to the power of sin. We could not help but sin, so our death was
inevitable. Upon receiving Christ, we received eternal life. Once
baptized into His death, sin no longer has any power over us. We
become a new creation.
In Christ, God set
us free from the power of sin and death. This is the truth; we are
dead to the power of sin. Our old
Adamic
nature is dead. The command in scripture is to ‘reckon yourself
dead’. This we clearly see in Rom. 6:11, ‘Likewise you also,
reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God ‘in
Christ’ Jesus our Lord.’ To reckon requires an act of the mind and
the will. We must accept the truth, believe the truth, and act as
if it is the truth. This is faith. First, we must acknowledge the
truth and believe in our heart that our ‘old
Adamic
person’ is dead, period! Next, we must acknowledge the lies of
Satan that cause us to think that our ‘old man’ has resurrected
itself, and has life. Then, we must confess and agree with God that
we are dead to sin. Finally, we must render or reckon ourselves
dead to sin. There the Paradox lay and the Victory over ‘the power
of sin’ in our lives. We may continue to sin, nevertheless, the
truth is that our old man is dead, but we still have the tendency to
revert to our old way of doing things. This is where trusting God
comes into our life. We have to choose to believe God's word and
act upon it in order to maintain our victory in Him.
If emotions lead us, what will happen? Turmoil! Emotions can turn
on a pin point. Just imagine a dentist with a needle. Do you feel
terror? So I know you don't want emotion in control! How about the
mind? Surely, the mind is the organ of highest function. Think
about a hot fudge sundae, now strawberry shortcake, then roast pork
with gravy and a heaping portion of mashed potatoes. Are you
hungry? Now think about a fiery dragon ready to eat your house.
Are you scared yet? Well, its time to make a choice! Do you want
to think about something to eat or do you want to crawl under the
couch so the dragon does not get you? Our mental and emotional
problems are the result of the will being captive to our self-life.
If you have a decision to make, don’t make it on feelings.
The whole point is: whatever we put in our head, our emotions will
react to it. We have the freedom to respond to the truth of God’s
word or listen to the lies of the enemy. The first step to freedom
is to control the thoughts that we entertain. We need to take every
thought captive to Christ in order to maintain our freedom. Who we
become depends on what we believe to be true about ourselves. The
choice to believe God's word and act upon it is ours. Do we choose
to do and believe what we want to? The will is in bondage to the
corrupt nature, and it influences our choice. So it is God alone
who determines by His choice to give us our ‘free will’ back by
quickening us, giving us His life. Our lifestyle will line up with
whom we perceive ourselves to be ‘in Christ’. Remember, God makes
us a new creation!
Stewardship: life is managed, not cured. We are our own stewards;
we are responsible for the quality of our life. Accepting and
acknowledging personal responsibility for growth and change is
stewardship.
Trials and
tribulations are part of life. We are accountable - we can react or
respond. We choose reactions or responses to the fair or unfair. We
have a choice. If we act recklessly, we are to blame. The way we
present our self, our personal style determines the response or
reaction from the world. We are accountable for our experiences for
the choices we make. The choices create consequences. We are not
accountable for accidents or incidents out of our control. We may
not be to blame and yet we are accountable for our reaction or
response.
Count your
blessings continually for making the right choices. Our choices
have results that we experience from our thoughts, we control our
behavior. Our emotions can control our behavior and our physiology,
psychosomatically. We choose to accept our thoughts that result in
consequences; and our thoughts result in physiology. Our attitude
dictates the results we receive. We reap what we sew; we determine
the response and, that’s reciprocity!
One of the
common problems counselors face is exposing denial for a client.
The hardest thing to do sometimes is to ‘tell yourself the truth.’
Omission is a form of denial; we neglect the evidence that there is
a problem. Overt or outward forms of denial result in
procrastination. Self-defense mechanisms such as denial, repression
or suppression protect the self. We need to break through the
denial and acknowledge there is a problem.
Accepting
the reality of there being a problem benefits us by defining, ‘where
we are right now!’ We need to admit our part and own the problem to
overcome denial. We overcome by defining the problem, owning it,
and writing it down. We own the problem, and therefore, are
responsible for the response. Honesty demands that we see our part
in the problem. We create our own experiences. We need to
acknowledge our negative behaviors; what is not working; or change
what doesn’t work. We change our perception by confronting the
destructive forces with - the truth. We come to terms with reality.
What if we
don’t accept our responsibility? If we do not accept responsibility
for our life meaningful and lasting change cannot come. And, we’ll
be tossed to and fro like the waves of the sea from the
double-mindedness. The consequences of not making a decision and
face the need to grow and change leaves us in bondage to the past.
Are we
always in control of our behavior and responsible for the results?
Whether the results are good or bad; fair or unfair; or if we are
happy or unhappy, it is our life. We have a choice. If there is a
problem, what part do we play? Our self-reliance was the center of
the problem before, as a new creation, we learn we can overcome all
things in Christ.
We are not
victims! God did not leave us defenseless. If we have problems we
own the problem until we give it to God. In order to find a
resolution we need to know what part does the past play? What is
the consequence if we allow our past to rule over our thinking?
Accepting that our memories are the problem and Christ in us is the
solution, is the beginning of a healthy resolution. Don’t wait to
resolve newly discovered problems, this will only diminish the flow
of the Spirit of God in life.
We are
accountable for the way people treat us. If we are unhappy we need
to measure their response and weigh the actions of others toward
us. When people change their behavior, they change the results.
If God changes our thinking, we’ll change the results. If we have
bad habits we need to find the benefits and values for not changing
those negative behaviors. To break the cycle, we must reveal the
truth and break the cycle.
Wisdom is
the exercise of knowledge with sound judgment at the appropriate
time.
God is
willing to give us everything to live a holy life through stepping
out in faith. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the
evidence of things not seen. Therefore, we need to think, believe,
and act upon the facts of faith to find the truth that will set us
free.
Denial of our emotional hurts will not overcome the need to forgive
someone. When we admit these feelings about others, we can forgive
the person who offended us and get on with our life. When someone
we depend upon and love offends us, it may be easier to redirect
those emotions inwardly than to admit we have these feelings about
them. It may seem safer to convince yourself the offense did not
occur or doesn't matter much. This is denial, and no matter how the
offense occurred the result is unresolved emotional conflict. When
we deny or bury these emotions of anger, hatred, and bitterness they
result in destructive expressions of resentment, and/or self-hatred.
Resentment is the result of repressed emotions and self-hatred is
the result of misdirected emotions. This self-hatred can readily be
the cause of low grade depression or eventual clinical depression.
To deal with resentment acknowledge that the offense really did
matter and forgive the offender. The problem will exist as long as
you are in denial. There is no way to deal with the past when
people are in denial. The first step to mental health is to
overcome denial and forgive ourselves. Upon taking the first step
of admitting our true feelings and recognizing them, we can ask God
to resolve them rather than deny them and let them boomerang back to
hurt us.
The false identity is a controller unless we are exposed to the
truth about it’s nature and then neutralized by revelation of God’s
truth. The fallen nature is corrupt and in control from conception
and until reckoned dead with its co-crucifixion with Christ. Unless
a person is born again through God’s quickening Spirit they are
subject to the whims of the fallen nature.
Avoiding pain is the reason
people find themselves out of control and without peace of mind.
The instinct of fight or flight to regain control is natural. A
person has to escape or overcome the implied or real threat through
physical violence or by fleeing the scene. Self-preservation is
autonomous even when the perceived threat is imagined. The
image(s)
need to be exposed in terms that will explain the origin of their
fear or anger. The root cause is not often the presenting problem
of the client.
Addictions
are formed from double-mindedness. The struggle is caused from
being torn between obeying God and the spiritual forces that are
exerting their influence on people’s false identity or corrupt
nature. The carnal nature cannot obey God and is at war with the
Spirit of God. People which have not surrendered their rights to
God must obey the desires of the false identity and therefore cannot
walk in the Spirit. As Christian’s we are to surrender to God,
reckon false identity dead, and walk in Spirit which leads us to
freedom and obeying God.
When a
person gains their freedom in Christ there is reason to have joy in
the promises of God which lends itself to happiness and feelings of
pleasure. Joy is the result of knowing that our relationship with
God has been restored while happiness is based on happenstance or
the events surrounding our righteous standing with God. Knowing
our faith in God’s plan for our life with Him is on course is all
the reason we should need to feel pleasure. Whether pleasure or
pain can be a motivating factor to get us motivated and act upon a
goal the ultimate motivation should be ‘to bring glory to God’s
name.’
Godly
character will produce godly behavior and subsequently will gain
godly rewards. Godly behavior - i.e. walk in the truth, think,
believe, and actions produces godly rewards - i.e. joy, happiness,
freedom, righteousness, clear conscience. When our actions do not
line up with what God’s word declares their is reason to be
concerned. What has happened to our reasoning ability and logic?
What pleasure do we receive by taking action? What is the loss if
we take no action? What are we trying to escape from? Or, what are
we angry about?
Homeostasis is the balancing point where the body, soul, and spirit
of man are content. The body is a vehicle with senses to
communicate to the mind the state of affairs in our environment.
The information is received by the soul of man. We will include the
mind, our thinker or reasoning ability; the will, our ‘chooser’; and
our emotions, the positive or negative energy in motion that is a
response or reaction to the environment about us for a simple
explanation of the souls functions.
The spirit
of man is the eternal life force we are given at conception. It is
dead to God until we receive eternal life in Christ. The spirit is
the true child of God within us. We are all eternal beings from the
moment the fertilized egg receives their spirit from God. God is
the Father of all life.
The
determining factor that transforms a person into a son or daughter
is when the ‘spirit of man’ is quickened by the Holy Spirit being
born again of spiritual seed, which is the Word of God. There are
only two states of spiritual consciousness for the sake of clarity –
either a person is spiritually alive to the Spirit of God or in a
state of eternal separation or death toward God. In the remainder
of this work we shall only consider people who are spiritually alive
toward God. If we are born again we have the Holy Spirit living
within us.
Now we
shall determine what our behavior is driven by in order to get
control of our lives and continue to grow in the riches of the grace
of God our Father. Our response or reaction to events going on in
our life is conditioned through learned behavior.
The
behavioral patterns are an expression of our past experience from
the memories we retain. Our ability to recollect these memories has
an integral part in determining the ways we respond or react to
life’ circumstances. Therefore if we recollect incorrectly we will
not respond to a given situation in the manner we would have if we
had the facts straight. Therefore the truth may be distorted and
we, like sheep, are all led astray.
Through
the process of sanctification the Spirit of God is renewing our
minds by infusing us with the Word of God. However the process
requires our willful cooperation. God does not determine for us
what we shall do, because of His love for us we have been given the
freedom of self-determination. Our destiny is of our own choosing.
We can choose to believe the evidence of God’s word working in our
lives or reject the truth and be subject to the refining influence
of our Father’s love through discipline.
Now let’s
gets subjective. Are we determined to please God or please
ourselves? If we suffer loss who do we blame? Surely not God for
we choose to obey or not to obey Him.
What is
the motivation behind our inner desire? Whatever pain or pleasure
we experience in obedience to God will determines the association we
tie to the memory. When we are confronted with a similar set of
events our behavior in part has the propensity to be determined by
the memories we recollect. A rational or logical decision based on
the facts would be the appropriate response. Therefore the
generated “feelings”, our emotions would be a pleasurable
experience. An irrational or illogical response would solicit
negative emotions or pain.
In order
for us to be transformed through the renewing of our minds we must
change our associations to pleasurable feelings to obeying the Word
of God. At the same time we need to learn to tie the pain we
experience to disobedience to God’s will. Through the positive
reinforcement of God’s promises we can tie pleasurable feelings to
our acts of obedience and control our thinking; therefore we take
charge of our emotions until God begins to work on another area of
our character.
When our
wills are turned by the Holy Spirit working with us and in us we
will be able to achieve God’s highest desire for our life. We would
do what Jesus did, obey the Father. We would reflect the life of
Christ through our daily walk.
When we
assimilate the Word of God into the core of our being and draw our
life from Christ as our only source; we will find the experiential
reality of our faith will jettison our level of motivation
heavenward.
All things
work for the good of those who are called according to God’s
purposes. No matter what circumstance we find or place ourselves
in, through blind obedience or human mischief, God knows what we are
doing and will work it out for our benefit. Yes, even if that means
we need discipline.
One of the
largest problems counselors face is exposing denial for a client. We
need to acknowledge there is a problem.
We must
own the problem; therefore we are responsible for the response or
reaction..
Accepting
the reality of there being a problem benefits us by defining, ‘Where
we are right now!’
The
hardest thing to do sometimes is to ‘Tell yourself the truth.’
Omission
is a form of denial; we neglect the evidence that there is a
problem.
Overt or
outward forms of denial result in procrastination.
Self-defense mechanisms short-circuit the resolution process and may
block the awareness of a problem existing.
Honesty
demands that we see our part in the problem.
We need to
acknowledge our negative behaviors; what is not working and change
what does not work.
We change
our perception by confronting the destructive forces with God’s
Truth.
We need to
admit our part and own the problem to overcome denial. We determine
many of our own experiences.
We
overcome by defining the problem, owning it, and writing it down.
We need to
allow ourselves to be less than perfect. Then we need to surrender
the problem to God so He can change us.
What is
the benefit of the behavior? What is in it for them?
When
people change the behavior, they change the results.
Why we do
is different than how we do things? Our approach is the key factor
to determining results.
Reason and
logic are the things that determine the course of action for a
positive payoff.
If we
don’t determine the ‘Why’, we won’t determine the reason for the
negative results.
When we
question a person’s behavior, we must keep asking ‘What’s the
payoff?’
Why is the
negative behavior working? On what level is there a payoff? What is
the ‘root cause’ for the behavior?
Challenging the behavior is one way to figure out the payoff.
Analysis results in the root cause.
What is
the incoming benefit? Why are we repeating the behavior?
Negative
behavior results in possible emotional, physical, and spiritual
damage.
We may be
blind to the payoffs! We need to find the benefits and values for
not changing negative behaviors.
To break
the cycle, we must reveal the truth. There are payoffs for all
behaviors.
Trials and
tribulations are part of life.
We are our
own stewards; we are responsible for the quality of our life.
Ready,
aim, fire = action.. Practice what you preach. ‘Be ye doer’s of
the Word’
The
rewards, our Father’s blessing or discipline or just punishment is a
result of the actions we do or do not take.
Intentions
are not rewarded; it is what we do with our life that counts and is
rewarded.
Grace
allows us to be human and God’s mercy covers a multitude of
shortcomings.
We are
accountable for the way people treat us. We need to measure the
response and weigh the actions of others toward us. Are the
outcomes what we desire?
The Law of
‘Be, Do, and Have’ apply to accomplishing any goal? We need to ‘Be
committed, Do what it takes, then we’ll Have what we want.
We must be
doers’ of what the word says to get the payoffs we desire! When
are you going to pull the trigger?
Our
tendencies are set in motion and momentum is gained when we continue
to work toward the goals.
There are
two motivators: Pleasure or Pain. Pleasing God or suffering loss
from disobedience is our choice.
We want to
escape pain; while we want to satisfy our craving for pleasure. The
false identity wants ‘Instant Gratification’.
Godly
knowledge, understanding and wisdom eliminate the fear of taking
risks and walking in faith towards God. We can take risks knowing
that God is with us. Or, we can loose the rewards by playing it
safe and staying in our comfort zone.
Fear
debilitates while faith towards God enables. Perfect love casts out
all fear. We will know God’s promises enable us to do all things in
Christ. We are worth our hopes and dreams. God’s people perish for
a lack of vision. What are your dreams worth?
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