Reconciliation is not a
requirement to forgiveness. For people who are learning to love again,
reconciliation may not be possible or advisable after forgiving someone who
offended them. Forgiveness only paves the way for reconciliation. In
marriage forgiveness is the only option and continuous reconciliation insures
a happy home.
Forgiveness is
radical surgery; reconciliation is the healing after the operation.
Forgiveness is canceling the debt; reconciliation puts the debt-free lives
back together.
Forgiveness is a
decision to release; reconciliation is the effort to rejoin. When we forgive
another person, we entrust that relationship to God. When we forgive, we must
also be willing to consider His plans for the future of that relationship.
Understanding the
interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation requires a clear
understanding of what the term reconciliation means. We are to initiate
reconciliation when the Spirit leads. Our emotions need an anchor before
reconciliation occurs. We need balance. There must be genuine concern about
the offender. We need the right attitude, and we need to let the offender
take the initiative. Or, when death is imminent we may need to make the first
move and trust God for the results.
What is
reconciliation? Reconciliation is the pursuit of peace, allowing for the
restoration of a relationship according to the will of God. In the Bible,
reconciliation means to bring into agreement. Reconciliation describes the
relationship where God replaces obvious hostility by peace or friendship.
Some examples of
reconciliation in the Bible refer to the work that Christ accomplished when He
reconciled mankind to God. ‘Since we have now been justified by his blood, how
much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we
were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son,
how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!
Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom we have now received reconciliation.’ -- Ro.5:9-11
In the same manner
we are to be reconciled with our fellow Christians, "Therefore, if you are
offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has
something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go
and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. -- Mat
5:23-24
As far as it is
possible Christian marriages are to be reconciled, ‘To the married I give this
command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But
if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.
And a husband must not divorce his wife.’ -- 1 Cor 7:10-11
However, do not
restore a relationship that is sinful or marked by physical or extreme
emotional abuse, as seen in the following verses:
Do not speak to a fool, for
he will scorn the wisdom of your words. -- Pr. 23:9.
Do not restore a relationship
when the offender is still hostile, If it is possible, as far as it depends on
you, live at peace with everyone.-- Ro. 12:18
Do not restore a relationship
that puts you in spiritual jeopardy, “Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts
good character."- I Co.15:33
But mark this: There will be
terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers
of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful,
unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal,
not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure
rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power.
Have nothing to do with them. -- 2 Ti. 3:1-5
‘Do not be yoked together with
unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what
fellowship can light have with darkness?’ -- 2 Co.6:14.
Wives, submit to
your own husbands, as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
also loved the church and gave Himself for it, (he surrendered His life for
us). Husbands this does not mean that she is a piece of property or is
subject to every whim and care. She is an equal is every sense of the Word.
It is a matter of authority and responsibility. Husbands have been made
responsible for the conduct of the members of his immediate family.
For the husband is
head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior
of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the
wives be to their own husbands in everything.
The reason Jesus
gave his life for us is ... that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the
washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious
church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be
holy and without blemish.
We are all subject
to the authority of Christ and willingly respond to Him out of love.
Hopefully, it is from a sincere heart and not out of constraint. So husbands
ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves
himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,
just as the Lord does the church.
We are to love and
cherish our marriage partners just as Christ loves the church. “For we are
members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man
shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall
become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and
the church.”
We are no longer
ourselves in marriage. We become 'Us'. There is a bond between a husband and
wife. In marriage we are one in the flesh, we can be of one mind, one in
heart and one in Spirit. And all this can be accomplished through the love of
God as it is revealed through the washing of the Word. ‘... let each one of
you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that
she respects her husband. -- Eph 5:22-33
The Secret Of Winning
Unbelieving Marriage Partners
Likewise you wives,
be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word,
they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they
observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your beauty be
that outward adorning of arranging the hair, of wearing gold, or of putting on
fine apparel; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the
incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in
the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who
trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own
husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are
if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Likewise you husbands,
dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker
vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers
may not be hindered. -- 1 Peter 3:1-7
The Unique Demands For
Forgiveness In Marriage
God created the
marriage relationship to be unique in human experience. There is no other
relationship so demanding yet so potentially rewarding. Marriage requires us
to live with another person in the closest union known to humanity. Such
intimacy can be intimidating. True intimacy compels us to reveal our true
selves, often prompting a fear of rejection. Once we move beyond our fear of
transparency, we discover that there is no relationship more wonderful. It is
in this divine union that we have our greatest opportunities to forgive and
love again.
Forgiveness
generates love in its fullest form. In marriage, generous forgiveness for
repeated offenses generates deep and abiding love. When couples forgiven
much, they willingly love much more. Forgiveness by a spouse often causes the
mate to respond with great loyalty and devotion. Both marriage partners
benefit from loving support and a willingness to forgive. Keep short
accounts, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." -- Ep.
4:26.
Seek marital oneness with physical, emotional,
and spiritual oneness. Unresolved conflict and unforgiveness will cause damage
to the relationship. Unresolved offenses interrupt your physical oneness; you
often stop making love. This will disrupt emotional unity; you often stop
talking with each other. Worst of all, unforgiveness severs your spiritual
oneness. You may stop praying for each other. Oneness in marriage depends on
each partner seeking and extending forgiveness to the other, continually
restoring their unique partnership. The act of forgiveness is a wonderful way
to experience the grace of God while extending what God graciously extended to
you.
God created woman to help
man; and men are to protect them
So Adam gave names to all
cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam
there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the LORD God caused a
deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and
closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken
from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. -- Genesis
2:20-22
Men are to become one with
his wife and care for them
And Adam said: "This is now
bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she
was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and
be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both
naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. -- Genesis 2:23-25
"When a man has taken a new
wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be
free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken. --
Deuteronomy 24:5
Marriage is honorable among
all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. --
He 13:4
We are encouraged to
rejoice with each other
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice with the wife of your youth. -- Proverbs 5:18
an excellent wife is the crown
of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.
--Proverbs 12:4
He who finds a wife finds a
good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD. -- Proverbs 18:22
Houses and riches are an
inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. -- Proverbs
19:14
Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies. --Proverbs 31:10
A wife is a man's portion
for life
Live joyfully with the wife
whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the
sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the
labor which you perform under the sun. -- Ecc 9:9
Do not let your hearts
harden toward one another
The Pharisees came and asked
Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" testing Him. And He
answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" They said, "Moses
permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her." And
Jesus answered and said to them, "Because of the hardness of your heart he
wrote you this precept. "But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made
them male and female.' 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'; so then
they are no longer two, but one flesh. "Therefore what God has joined
together, let not man separate." And in the house His disciples asked Him
again about the same matter. So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife
and marries another commits adultery against her. "And if a woman divorces
her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." -- Mark 10:2-12
To love and honor each
other as Christ' loves the church
Let the husband render to his
[wife] the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The
wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And
likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife
does. -- 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
Wives, submit to your own
husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ
is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as
the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in
everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church
and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the
washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious
church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be
holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their
own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his
own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this
reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and
the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak
concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in
particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she
respects her husband. -- Ephesians 5:22-33
Husbands, love your wives and
do not be bitter toward them. -- Colossians 3:19
Nevertheless, because of
sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her
own husband.
Let the husband render to his
wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have
authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband
does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Now to the married I command,
yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if
she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
For the unbelieving husband is
sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband;
otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
There is a difference between
a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord,
that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares
about the things of the world; how she may please her husband.
A wife is bound by law as long
as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married
to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
Wives, submit to your own
husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be
bitter toward them. -- Colossians 3:18-19
Likewise their wives must be
reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. -- 1 Ti 3:11