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           Reconciliation is not a requirement to forgiveness.  For people who are learning to love again, reconciliation may not be possible or advisable after forgiving someone who offended them.  Forgiveness only paves the way for reconciliation.  In marriage forgiveness is the only option and continuous reconciliation  insures a happy home.

          Forgiveness is radical surgery; reconciliation is the healing after the operation.  Forgiveness is canceling the debt; reconciliation puts the debt-free lives back together.

          Forgiveness is a decision to release; reconciliation is the effort to rejoin.  When we forgive another person, we entrust that relationship to God.  When we forgive, we must also be willing to consider His plans for the future of that relationship. 

          Understanding the interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation requires a clear understanding of what the term reconciliation means.  We are to initiate reconciliation when the Spirit leads.  Our emotions need an anchor before reconciliation occurs.  We need balance.  There must be genuine concern about the offender.  We need the right attitude, and we need to let the offender take the initiative.  Or, when death is imminent we may need to make the first move and trust God for the results.

          What is reconciliation?  Reconciliation is the pursuit of peace, allowing for the restoration of a relationship according to the will of God.  In the Bible, reconciliation means to bring into agreement.  Reconciliation describes the relationship where God replaces obvious hostility by peace or friendship. 

          Some examples of reconciliation in the Bible refer to the work that Christ accomplished when He reconciled mankind to God. ‘Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!  For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!  Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.’ -- Ro.5:9-11

          In the same manner we are to be reconciled with our fellow Christians, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. -- Mat 5:23-24

          As far as it is possible Christian marriages are to be reconciled, ‘To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.  But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.’ -- 1 Cor 7:10-11

          However, do not restore a relationship that is sinful or marked by physical or extreme emotional abuse, as seen in the following verses:

 

 Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.  -- Pr. 23:9.

 

Do not restore a relationship when the offender is still hostile, If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.-- Ro. 12:18

 

Do not restore a relationship that puts you in spiritual jeopardy, “Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."- I Co.15:33

 

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.  People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. -- 2 Ti. 3:1-5

 

‘Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?’ -- 2 Co.6:14.


 

          Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives,  just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, (he surrendered His life for us).         Husbands this does not mean that she is a piece of property or is subject to every whim and care.  She is an equal is every sense of the Word.  It is a matter of authority and responsibility.  Husbands have been made responsible for the conduct of the members of his immediate family.

          For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

          The reason Jesus gave his life for us is ... that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.

          We are all subject to the authority of Christ and willingly respond to Him out of love.  Hopefully, it is from a sincere heart and not out of constraint.  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

          We are to love and cherish our marriage partners just as Christ loves the church.  “For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

          We are no longer ourselves in marriage.  We become 'Us'.  There is a bond between a husband and wife.  In marriage we are one in the flesh, we can be of one mind, one in heart and one in Spirit.  And all this can be accomplished through the love of God as it is revealed through the washing of the Word.  ‘... let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. -- Eph 5:22-33

 

The Secret Of Winning Unbelieving Marriage Partners

 

          Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of arranging the hair, of wearing gold, or of putting on fine apparel; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.  Likewise you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. -- 1 Peter 3:1-7

 

The Unique Demands For Forgiveness In Marriage

 

          God created the marriage relationship to be unique in human experience.  There is no other relationship so demanding yet so potentially rewarding.  Marriage requires us to live with another person in the closest union known to humanity.  Such intimacy can be intimidating.  True intimacy compels us to reveal our true selves, often prompting a fear of rejection.  Once we move beyond our fear of transparency, we discover that there is no relationship more wonderful.  It is in this divine union that we have our greatest opportunities to forgive and love again.

          Forgiveness generates love in its fullest form.  In marriage, generous forgiveness for repeated offenses generates deep and abiding love.  When couples forgiven much, they willingly love much more. Forgiveness by a spouse often causes the mate to respond with great loyalty and devotion.  Both marriage partners benefit from loving support and a willingness to forgive.  Keep short accounts,  "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." -- Ep. 4:26. 

          Seek marital oneness with physical, emotional, and spiritual oneness. Unresolved conflict and unforgiveness will cause damage to the relationship.  Unresolved offenses interrupt your physical oneness; you often stop making love.  This will disrupt emotional unity; you often stop talking with each other.  Worst of all, unforgiveness severs your spiritual oneness.  You may stop praying for each other.  Oneness in marriage depends on each partner seeking and extending forgiveness to the other, continually restoring their unique partnership.  The act of forgiveness is a wonderful way to experience the grace of God while extending what God graciously extended to you.

 

RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN HUSBANDS AND WIVES

 

God created woman to help man; and men are to protect them

 

So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.  And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.  Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. -- Genesis 2:20-22

 

Men are to become one with his wife and care for them

 

And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."  Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. -- Genesis 2:23-25

"When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.  -- Deuteronomy 24:5

 

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. -- He 13:4

 

We are encouraged to rejoice with each other

 

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. -- Proverbs 5:18

 

an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. --Proverbs 12:4

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD. -- Proverbs 18:22

 

Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. -- Proverbs 19:14

 

Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies. --Proverbs 31:10

 

A wife is a man's portion for life

 

Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. -- Ecc 9:9

 

Do not let your hearts harden toward one another

 

The Pharisees came and asked Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" testing Him.  And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?"  They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her."  And Jesus answered and said to them, "Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. "But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.'  'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  And in the house His disciples asked Him again about the same matter.  So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.  "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." -- Mark 10:2-12

 

To love and honor each other as Christ' loves the church

 

Let the husband render to his [wife] the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.  And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. -- 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

 

 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.  "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.    -- Ephesians 5:22-33

 

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.  -- Colossians 3:19

 

Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.  And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.  But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.  And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world; how she may please her husband.

A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. -- Colossians 3:18-19

Likewise their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. -- 1 Ti 3:11