Are you involved in
a hopeless marriage? Have to tried everything, all to no avail. Have you
prayed, fasted, yelled, screamed, sought counseling, given up, tried harder,
made resolutions, withheld sex, manipulated with sex, increased sex, withheld
love, showered with love, and yet still nothing has changed? Have you finally
come to the place where you realize there are no answers, short of death, to
your problematic marriage.
If you have come to
this place, you have come to the correct realization that nothing short of
death can solve the problems you face, both personally, and in your marriage.
The one thing you may not know is, that death is God’s solution for your
problems. What we are speaking of is spiritual death, not physical death.
God has provided through our co-death with Him on the cross, the one and only
way out of our problems.
If you are ready to
consider, carefully, God’s answer for you and your situation, I invite you to
read and follow the following instructions, regarding your vows, and a renewed
understanding of the foundation for your marriage and you own individual
lives.
First, you need to
understand that divorce will not ease your pain. If anything, the pain will
increase, with divorce. Not only will you pain increase, so will the pain of
your family members, especially your children, even if they are grown. If you
do no believe me look at the victims of divorce, ‘writhing, bleeding, wailing,
moaning, longing for a relief that never comes... Their ghastly wounds are
deep and painful. But the worst part of it is that most of those hideous
wounds never heal.”
Second, I would
like to suggest the solution, which God has for you is a “private divorce,
followed by mutual suicide, then remarriage ‘in Christ’.”
“But if the pain
you feel in your marriage has long ago passed the merely excruciating... if
your torment has now reached a level that is totally unbearable ... then you
had better ignore all the halfway measures proposed by people who have no
concept of the appalling suffering you have had to endure. You have no
choice. There is no time to waste on treating symptoms. You must totally
eradicate the root cause of your agony.”
I am about to
present to you three sets of vows. On this page they are an innocent-looking
collection of mere words. But once spoken from your heart in the fear of God,
they are razor-sharp instruments of death, burial, and resurrection. You are
hereby strongly cautioned to handle them accordingly.”
These vows are not
to be entered into lightly. They represent a radical departure from
everything you have known, everything you have done, everything you have
been. Once taken, they will do far more than merely transform your marriage.
They will change your life.”
Before you read
them, make sure you are alone, and in a place that is free from distraction.
Read through them with reverence and caution. Be sure that you take the time,
not only to grasp them mentally, but to feel with your emotions their awesome
implications.”
“Once you have
absorbed their meaning, ask yourself this solemn question: ‘Am I prepared to
mean every word of these vows, and to suffer the awful consequences if I do
not?’ Upon sober reflection, your honest reply may be, ‘No, I am not?’ Then
whatever you do, do not speak them, before God or before man. For they will
bind you against your will, and it will be far worse for you in the end, when
inevitably you break them, than if you had never uttered them at all.”
“In that case, this
is as far as we can go. I have failed. Where do you go from here? What do
you do? How can you possibly cope? I wish I knew, dear friend. I wish to
God I knew. But I honestly do not. So I must now tell you goodbye.”
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“On the other hand,
your answer to that question may be, “Yes, I am sincerely prepared to take the
vows. I have nowhere to turn.”
“If your spouse is
unwilling to exchange these vows with you, then your hands are tied. Do your
best to understand why your spouse will not cooperate, and attempt to work out
a compromise.”
“If your spouse is
wholly uncooperative, then you may still make the second vow to God on your
own. In fact, you would be foolish not to. You are going to need all the
help you can get. In fact, I can promise you that you will NOT make it if you
fail to make Vow Number Two to God.”
“If your spouse is
willing to exchange these vows with you, however, be thankful. Be thankful
beyond words.” Immediately arrange a time when the two of you can meet, and
be sure that you are totally alone. The place is important, too. It can be
anywhere, just as long as it holds special significance. You may choose to
drive or fly to the place where you were first introduced to each other. You
may want to return to the church where you were married. There maybe a wooded
grove out in the country where you have often gone to pray and think. Use
your imagination.”
“In fact, if you
are not particularly self-conscious, all me to suggest a rather daring
strategy. Drive to a graveyard and repeat the first set of vows there,
standing among the tombstones. For the next set of vows, enter an empty
church and say them at the altar. Repeat the final set of vows in your
bedroom at home, and then make tender, passionate love. Cap it all off with a
full-fledged honeymoon.”
VOW NUMBER ONE: DIVORCE
“HUSBAND (standing facing
your wife, take both of her hands, and repeat these vows out loud, looking
directly into her eyes):
In many ways you
have been a bitter disappointment to me. I have often failed you too. At
times our marriage has seemed a disaster. I do not with to bear this pain any
longer. I hereby reject that part of you which has been a poor wife. To
signify that the destructive part of our marriage is truly over, I return to
you the ring you gave me on our wedding day (remove the wedding ring from your
finger and place it in your wife’s open palm).”
“WIFE (remain facing your
husband, take both his hands, and repeat these vows out loud, looking directly
into his eyes):
In many ways you
have been a bitter disappointment to me. I have often failed you too. At
times our marriage has seemed a disaster. I do not with to bear this pain any
longer. I hereby reject that part of you which has been a poor husband. To
signify that the destructive part of our marriage is truly over, I return to
you the ring you gave me on our wedding day (remove the wedding band/
engagement ring from your finger and place it in your husband’s open palm).”
VOW NUMBER TWO: SUICIDE
“(NOTE: To repeat
these vows is to commit triple suicide: one, death to your sinful past; two,
death to your pride; three, death to any direction but God’s for the rest of
your life. To fail to commit suicide in this way is to doom yourself to
repeating the mistakes of the past. You cannot change what you do until you
change who you are.)”
“HUSBAND, THEN WIFE
(spoken aloud to God from a kneeling position as your mate listens):
“Dear God, I have
sinned against my spouse. Even more seriously, I have sinned against you. I
believe you sent your Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross and pay for my
sins. Because He is God, I believe He rose from the dead on the third day and
He lives today.”
I also believe that
I died on the cross, according to Galatians and Romans 6, and that He now
lives in and through me. I believe only He, living His life through me, can
live the Christian life and thereby save this marriage. I give up on myself,
my life and my own way of doing things.
“Jesus, I now
accept what you did for me on the cross. I ask you to take away my old life,
including the sins I have committed against my spouse. Please come to live
inside of me. Give me the sense of your presence and resurrection power to
overcome my weaknesses and to become a totally new person. I hereby resign
all control over my life. From this moment forward I will follow you until
you take me to heaven when I die. Amen!”
VOW NUMBER THREE: REMARRIAGE
“HUSBAND (stand facing your
wife, take both of her hands, and repeat these vows out loud, looking directly
into her eyes):
“Beginning with
this moment, I wipe the slate clean. I grant you a fresh start. I will never
bring the past up to you again. With God’s help I will eradicate the past
from my mind.”
“With this ring I
make you my wife (slip your ring for her onto her ring finger). I will do
everything in my power to make you happy. You may freely have my body
whenever and however you desire, for my body belongs to you alone. No matter
what happens, I will allow nothing but death to separate us. Before God our
witness, this is my solemn vow to you.”
“Wife (stand facing
your husband, take both of his hands, and repeat these vows out loud, looking
directly into his eyes):
“Beginning with
this moment, I wipe the slate clean. I grant you a fresh start. I will never
bring the past up to you again. With God’s help I will eradicate the past
from my mind.”
“With this ring I
make you my husband (slip your ring for him onto his ring finger). I will do
everything in my power to make you happy. You may freely have my body
whenever and however you desire, for my body belongs to you alone. No matter
what happens, I will allow nothing but death to separate us. Before God our
witness, this is my solemn vow to you.”
From Norman Wright and
David M. Sherman, adapted from ‘TOUGH TALK TO A STUBBORN SPOUSE’ by Stephen
Schwanbach. Direct quotes taken from pages, 279-285, Harvest House
Publishers, 1990.
Parental Duties
"You shall love the LORD your
God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. "And
these words which I command you today shall be in your heart; "you shall teach
them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your
house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
"When your son asks you in time to come, saying, 'What is the meaning of the
testimonies, the statutes, and the judgments which the LORD our God has
commanded you?' -- Deuteronomy 6:5-7
"When your son asks you in
time to come, saying, 'What is the meaning of the testimonies, the statutes,
and the judgments which the LORD our God has commanded you?' "then you shall
say to your son: 'We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, and the LORD brought us
out of Egypt with a mighty hand; 'and the LORD showed signs and wonders before
our eyes, great and severe, against Egypt, Pharaoh, and all his household.
'Then He brought us out from there, that He might bring us in, to give us the
land of which He swore to our fathers. 'And the LORD commanded us to observe
all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that He
might preserve us alive, as it is this day. 'Then it will be righteousness
for us, if we are careful to observe all these commandments before the LORD
our God, as you, and all Israel shall hear and fear. -- Deuteronomy 6:20-25
Lack Of Discipline Is A
Roadway To Sorrow
"If a man has a stubborn and
rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his
mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, "then his
father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders
of his city, to the gate of his city. "And they shall say to the elders of
his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our
voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' "Then all the men of his city shall
stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil person from
among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear. -- Deuteronomy 21:18-21
Correcting Children Will
Lead To Their Eternal Life
Train up a child in the way he
should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. –
Proverbs 22:6
The living, the living man, he
shall praise You, as I do this day; the father shall make known Your truth to
the children. -- Isaiah 38:19
And you, fathers, do not
provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and
admonition of the Lord. -- Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your
children, lest they become discouraged. -- Colossians 3:21
Let deacons be the husbands of
one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. -- 1 Timothy 3:12
He who spares his rod hates
his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. -- Proverbs 13:24
Chasten your son while there
is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction. -- Proverbs 18:19
Foolishness is bound up in the
heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him. --
Proverbs 22:15
Do not withhold correction
from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. -- Proverbs
23:13
For if we would judge
ourselves, we would not be judged. But when we are judged, we are chastened
by the Lord, that we may not be condemned with the world. - 1 Corinthians
11:31-32
And you have forgotten the
exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: "My son, do not despise the
chastening of the LORD, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For
whom the LORD loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives." If
you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there
whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which
all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.
Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them
respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of
spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best
to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now
no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but grievous; nevertheless,
afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have
been trained by it. -- Hebrews 12:5-11
"As many as I love, I rebuke
and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. "Behold, I stand at the door
and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him
and dine with him, and he with Me. "To him who overcomes I will grant to sit
with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His
throne. -- Revelations 3:19-21
PARENTAL JOYS
A wise son makes a father
glad, but a foolish man despises his mother. -- Proverbs 15:20
The father of the righteous
will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise child will delight in him.
--Proverbs 23:24
My son, be wise, and make my
heart glad, that I may answer him who reproaches me. --Proverbs 27:11
'And bring the fatted calf
here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; 'for this my son was dead and
is alive again; he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry. -- Luke
15:23-24
PARENTAL SORROW
And the king said to the
Cushite, "Is the young man Absalom safe?" And the Cushite answered, "May the
enemies of my lord the king, and all who rise against you to do you harm, be
as that young man is!" Then the king was deeply moved, and went up to the
chamber over the gate, and wept. And as he went, he said thus: "O my son
Absalom; my son, my son Absalom; if only I had died in your place! O Absalom
my son, my son!" And Joab was told, "Behold, the king is weeping and mourning
for Absalom." -- 2 Samuel 18:32-19:1
The Proverbs of Solomon: A
wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the grief of his mother. --
Proverbs 10:1
He who begets a scoffer does
so to his sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy. -- Proverbs 17:21
A foolish son is a grief to
his father, and bitterness to her who bore him. -- Proverbs 17:25
A foolish son is the ruin of
his father, and the contentions of a wife are a continual
dripping. -- Proverbs 19:13
He who mistreats his father
and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach. --
Proverbs 19:26
Whoever keeps the law is a
discerning son, but a companion of gluttons shames his father. -- Proverbs
28:7
The rod and reproof give
wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. -- Proverbs
29:15
CHILDREN ARE A GIFT FROM
GOD
And he lifted his eyes and saw
the women and children, and said, "Who are these with you?" And he said, "The
children whom God has graciously given your servant." -- Genesis 33:5
And Joseph said to his father,
"They are my sons, whom God has given me in this place." And he said, "Please
bring them to me, and I will bless them." -- Genesis 48:9
And Joshua said to all the
people, "Thus says the LORD God of Israel: 'Your fathers, including Terah, the
father of Abraham and the father of Nahor, dwelt on the other side of the
River in old times; and they served other gods. 'Then I took your father
Abraham from the other side of the River, led him throughout all the land of
Canaan, and multiplied his descendants and gave him Isaac. -- Joshua 24:2-3
He grants the barren woman a
home, Like a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD! -Psalms 113:9
Behold, children are a
heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is His reward. -- Psalm 127:3
Here am I and the children
whom the LORD has given me! We are for signs and wonders in Israel From the
LORD of hosts, Who dwells in Mount Zion. -- Isaiah 8:18
CHILDREN ARE PRECIOUS TO
GOD
Like arrows in the hand of a
warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his
quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their
enemies in the gate. -- Psalms 127:4-5
Your wife shall be like a
fruitful vine In the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants
All around your table. -- Psalms 128:3
Children's children are the
crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father. -- Proverbs 17:6
EXHORTATIONS TO CHILDREN
Rejoice, O young man, in your
youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; walk in the
ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these
God will bring you into judgment. -- Ecclesiastes 11:9
We lie down in our shame, and
our reproach covers us. For we have sinned against the LORD our God, we and
our fathers, from our youth even to this day, and have not obeyed the voice of
the LORD our God." -- Jeremiah 3:25
My son, hear the instruction
of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be
graceful ornaments on your head, and chains about your neck. -- Proverbs 1:8-9
My son, keep your father's
command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. -- Proverbs 6:20
My son, keep my words, and
treasure my commands within you. Keep my commands and live, and my law as
the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of
your heart. Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," and call understanding your
nearest kin, that they may keep you from the immoral woman, from the
seductress who flatters with her words. -- Proverbs 7:1-5
Do not remember the sins of my
youth, nor my transgressions; According to Your mercy remember me, For Your
goodness' sake, O LORD. -- Psalms 25:7
Come, you children, listen to
me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. -- Psalms 34:11
Kings of the earth and all
peoples; Princes and all judges of the earth; Both young men and maidens; Old
men and children. Let them praise the name of the LORD, For his name alone
is exalted; His glory is above the earth and heaven. -- Psalms148:11-13
The fool has said in his
heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, They have done abominable works,
There is none who does good. The LORD looks down from heaven upon the
children of men, To see if there are any who understand, who seek God. They
have all turned aside, They have together become corrupt; There is none who
does good, No, not one. Have all the workers of iniquity no knowledge, Who
eat up my people as they eat bread, And do not call on the LORD? There they
are in great fear, For God is with the generation of the righteous. -- Ps
14:1-5
Even a child is known by his
deeds, by whether what he does is pure and right. -- Proverbs 20:11
Listen to your father who
begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old. -- Proverbs 23:22
How precious is Your
lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the
shadow of Your wings. -- Psalms 36:7
God looks down from heaven
upon the children of men, To see if there are any who understand, who seek
God. -- Psalms 53:2
He will bring justice to the
poor of the people; He will save the children of the needy, And will break in
pieces the oppressor. -- Psalms 72:4
For He established a testimony
in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers, That
they should make them known to their children; That the generation to come
might know them, The children who would be born, That they may arise and
declare them to their children, That they may set their hope in God, And not
forget the works of God, But keep His commandments; And may not be like their
fathers, A stubborn and rebellious generation, A generation that did not set
its heart aright, And whose spirit was not faithful to God. -- Psalms 78:5-8
As a father pities his
children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him. -- Psalms 103:13
But the mercy of the LORD is
from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him, And His righteousness
to children's children, To such as keep His covenant, And to those who
remember His commandments to do them. -- Psalms 103:17-18
Let Israel rejoice in their
Maker; Let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. -- Psalms 149:2
Remember now your Creator in
the days of your youth, before the difficult days come, and the years draw
near when you say, "I have no pleasure in them": -- Ecclesiastes 12:1
'I am the LORD your God: Walk
in My statutes, keep My judgments, and do them; 'hallow My Sabbaths, and they
will be a sign between Me and you, that you may know that I am the LORD your
God.' -- Ezekiel 20:19-20
And He said to them, "All too
well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition.
"For Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses
father or mother, let him be put to death.' "But you say, 'If a man says to
his father or mother, "Whatever profit you might have received from me is
Corban that is, dedicated to the temple"; "and you no longer let him do
anything for his father or his mother, "making the word of God of no effect
through your tradition which you have handed down. And many such things you
do." -- Mark 7:9-13
Children, obey your parents in
the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother," which is the
first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may
live long on the earth." -- Ephesians 6:1-3
Children, obey your parents in
all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. -- Colossians 3:20
But if any widow has children
or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay
their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God. -- 1 Timothy 5:4
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