ffective communication is an art. There
are always two participants with two different perspectives. The intent
of the speaker and the understanding of the hearer are important aspects
for ideal communication. The intent and understanding of the
communication participants comes through a grid of life experiences that
colors our perception by the events, values, experiences, and expectations
of our past. The influence of time and place upon the context of the
message conveyed, determines whether some people will actually hear the
true meaning. For open and honest communication, the participants need to
hurdle the roadblocks to clarify the hearers’ understanding. The hearer
needs to accurately understand the message given.
We learn to put up roadblocks to
effective listening. Most people listen only after being taught how to do
so. People learn to give answers for rewards by the educational system.
We tend to be lazy, and listening requires a lot of effort. We listen and
process answers simultaneously to gain an advantage. We are always ready
to express our own ideas. Listening is a learned skill, and it requires
practice. We process what is being said through the grid of our
personality, wisdom, temperament, life experiences, paradigms and depth of
maturity. The roadblocks come from memories, values, interests,
attitudes, emotions, and expectations.
The skills required for active
listening require attention, observation, reflection, and a desire to
receive the accurate message being communicated, not the one we think we
hear. Our attention to the speaker requires good posture, eye contact,
and a quiet environment. We need to observe good manners by opening up
the speaker's avenue to converse, encouraging them, and not interrupting
their flow. We also must learn to reflect what the speaker is saying in a
way that demonstrates understanding and acceptance.
The effects of reflection reveal
your understanding of what the speaker is saying. If we do not use
reflection and mirror what we hear, we may not get the true intent of the
message. The feedback to the speaker lets them know you understand what
they are saying. The other person can then determine if you understand
the message as intended. This allows for clarification, accuracy, and
mutual understanding. Reflection conveys interest and respect, opening
the door to their respect for your point of view on the topic.
The way we sabotage the speaker is
through our reflection by putting them in a defensive mode, asking
premature questions, giving unrequested advice, Acquisitioning their view,
blocking further discussion, imposing our opinion, assuming the situation
is unsolvable, or imposing our solution on the person. We try to maintain
or gain control in a host of different ways that builds barricades to open
communication.
The sources of conflict come from
the desire of the false identity to control. The false identity has a
hidden agenda that opposes godly living. The false identity has its own
agenda, based on meeting it’s own lusts. The false identity is a
controller and will leave us feeling unable to impact events. The false
identity is in competition for influence and control over every
situation. The flesh patterns become evident when rivaled for control;
especially when threatened or challenged. The Spirit of God and the false
identity are at war with each other, and take opposing views on every
issue. The false identity will not tolerate different positions on an
issue. The false identity causes people to become frustrated over any
disruption in its agenda. The false identity causes us to become
hypersensitive and overly critical. The false identity is at war with the
Spirit until rendered dead on the Cross of Christ.
In Christ, we find
reconciliation. Jesus expressed the way in which God desires to repair
all of our relationships. In the depths of our emotional turmoil, we rely
on our Adamic nature. The first relationship God wants to restore is with
Himself. The second relationship is with ourselves; this one being
restored as a result of being reconciled to God. Thirdly, our
relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances begin the
restoration process when we begin to love ourselves. Then, as healed
helpers, we can carry the message to help heal others.
‘For the love of Christ compels
us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He
died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves,
but for Him who died for them and rose again. Therefore, from now on, we
regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ
according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. Therefore, if
anyone is ‘in Christ’, he is a new creation; old things have passed away;
behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who has
reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the
ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was ‘in Christ’ reconciling
the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has
committed to us the word of reconciliation. Now then, we are ambassadors
for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on
Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to
be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.’ (2
Cor. 5:14-21)
When a person hits bottom, or
comes to the end of their rope, they often cry out for help. The only way
out is to come out of hiding and surrender. Powerless, the pain of sinful
addiction brings them to a turning point where they are willing to go to
any length to ease the pain. The beginning of reconciliation happens only
when a person hurts so much from the sorrow and loneliness that they are
willing to reveal the pain of their emotions to God and to others. This
is where healed helpers are needed.
God provides helpers by expressing
His love through the members of the church. The church is His
representative body on earth. God's remedy for the ills of humanity
continues in the work and person of Jesus Christ through His redemptive
work on the Cross. If we want restoration, we need to believe that God
has provided for all of our needs ‘in Christ’. Once we have accepted the
futility of previous attempts at restoring relationships, based on our
knowledge or the world's wisdom, we can open the door to revelation from
God's word.
Since our intellect led us astray,
God chose what the world considers foolishness, the preaching of the
Gospel, to confound the wise. In order to come to God, we have to admit
our helplessness and accept His Way. The Way of the Cross trusts God for
all of our needs and relies on Him to lead us daily through our
relationship with the Holy Spirit. God will not violate His own nature,
therefore He provided a body in the person of Jesus Christ-who knew no
sin-to provide and bear the consequences of sin for us. God accepts every
believer and establishes them in an eternal relationship by placing us ‘in
Christ’ and giving the Holy Spirit to guide us every day. The command is
to ‘Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.’ In your
seeking you will find eternal life. The gift of God is eternal life in
Christ Jesus. God gave us His Word to lead us to a relationship with Him
‘in Christ’.
Every man, woman, and child
desires to understand who they are. God wants us to understand his love.
Through divine revelation, He provides the means to come to Him and
establish an intimate relationship. Through nature, He illustrates His
love for us in the world He created for us. Through the revelation of
Scripture and the illumination of the Holy Spirit, we know of God's love
and learn about our possible union with Him ‘in Christ’.
If we rely only on our resources
we cannot know God. Through the study of God's word, we can know God and
ourselves. The Holy Spirit reveals the relationship ‘in Christ’ through
God's word. A trusting relationship should have accountability and
authority, along with acceptance and affirmation. A relationship should
begin with acceptance and affirmation. When a relationship starts with
authority and accountability we tend to exhibit responsibility and
accountability. However, the heart of man is born with the tendency to
rebel. This leads to serious problems.
People live according to their
perception of themselves. When we receive the Holy Spirit, we receive the
very life of God, the breath of life, God's very own life. There is
spiritual renewal. We are born again ‘in Christ’. We are spiritually
alive ‘in Christ’ and have Christ in us. When we receive the Holy Spirit,
we have the assurance planted in our hearts and we will obey God and live
righteously before Him. This concept of knowing who we are is important
because we tend to behave according to who we believe we are. God
determined who I am when He placed me ‘in Christ’ and I take
responsibility for what I do!
When we understand the way we
process information, we will be able to bring about positive changes in
our lives and those around us. The foundation for reaching a desired goal
or resisting temptation rests in our mind. The battle is in the mind.
The victory is knowing who we are ‘in Christ’ and being who God intends us
to be.
Accepting who I am, a creature not
the creator, helps to avoid the temptation to play God. When I become
aware of my unfulfilled desires, wishes, needs, feelings, and values, then
I can obey God and find an acceptable way to fulfill my needs and wants
within His Word. By taking every thought captive to the attitude, mind
and obedience of Christ, I take personal responsibility. When we
understand the way we use the four senses then we will be able to overcome
the schemes of the enemy of our soul. The basic ways of perception are:
listening to others and/or talking to oneself, looking, seeking and
imagining, what we are telling ourselves. When we learn to use what we
say, see, feel, and do for our spiritual growth, we will obey God by: 1)
listening to and evaluating what I say to myself about the desires, needs,
wants, etc.; 2) focusing on what I think about or imagine as ways of
fulfilling God’s will; 3) attending to how I am choosing to act to satisfy
my desires, needs, and wants;
4) recognizing and monitoring my emotional
satisfaction level; and, 5) taking this information and reflecting upon it
in the light of the Word of God’s Truth, the Bible.
Discipleship that leads to eternal
life or behaviorialism is the choice before every thinking person. If we
choose behaviorialism, we admit being powerless, overly submissive to
authority, poorly equipped to function independently of people, and in
need of endless support and guidance. When a person admits to being
powerless as opposed to being transformed, the tendency is for the
admonition to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we choose
discipleship and a rational faith, we can believe that God equips us with
delegated authority ‘in Christ’ to receive power from the Throne of
Grace. We cannot choose new birth. However, we can choose - responsibly,
pro-actively and obediently - lifelong discipleship. This is our choice.
We must be dependent upon Him for the grace we need. God delegates
authority and empowers us through His grace. God equips us to do His will
in an interdependent relationship and provides endless support and
guidance.
We are not powerless; we are personally
responsible. God has given us a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind.
God has freed us from the power of sin and set our will free to return
God’s love. Jesus set us free from the irresistible desire to sin. We do
not have to find instant gratification, since Jesus set us free to make
rational and mature choices.
The church is not supposed to be a
hospital. Individually, we accept or reject behaviorialism. We either
believe God's Word that we are part of a ‘new creation ‘in Christ’’ or we
end up 'powerless'. We cannot have both. If we use the church as a
hospital to change our behavior, we will never be free and there is no
escape. This kind of indoctrination does nothing to resolve the problem
of the corrupt nature. The idea of powerlessness is psychologically
damaging and ultimately untrue since many non-believers live ethical and
moral lives.
Sinless perfection is not a result
of salvation. Some church members would have people believe this, but in
reality, Christians occasionally sin, some continually sin, and some
seldom sin. Do not confuse maturity with being spiritual. If I am ‘in
Christ’ I am as spiritual as I am ever going to be. It is by His grace
and my choice that I do not continue in sin. Freedom comes from
understanding that we are freed from the shackles of sin to obey God.
Understanding this enables me to continue to grow and mature in my
knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, setting me free from irrational
conduct.
If we debase a person, we do not
necessarily make them humble. It would be more beneficial to look at the
irrational ideas that perpetuate behavioral deficiencies to motivate
someone to change, rather than to adopt the falsehoods taught by
behaviorialism. In truth, however, acceptance comes through the sacrifice
of someone else, Jesus Christ, hence the desired changes will more likely
happen out of gratitude toward Him for the fact that He reconciled us to
God. The more we understand and grow in our love OF God rather than a
less - than - perfect love FOR God, the more our obedience reflects His
image and character.
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